What’s the most powerful question to ask a loved one with chronic autoimmune illness?

If you’re a friend or family member of someone living with an autoimmune disease and aren’t sure how to support them, this blog is for you.

One of the most powerful things you can say to someone living with a chronic autoimmune disease is simple:

“How are you coping with things?”

Not “How are you really doing?” Not assumptions about how hard or how easy it must be. Just: how are you coping.

You may be surprised at what you hear when you leave things open ended and intentionally create space. It doesn’t define the experience for them. It lets them define it themselves.

The reality is that people living with chronic illness are not always struggling in the way others imagine. Some are overwhelmed, yes. But many are also adapting, problem-solving, managing full lives, and carrying far more than is visible on the surface. Some of the most resilient, content, and gracious individuals I have met are those living with a chronic autoimmune disease.

When we assume what someone is experiencing, even with good intentions, it can unintentionally invalidate how they are actually navigating their reality.

That one question—“How are you coping?”—does something different.

And sometimes that space is exactly what someone needs to finally be honest about where they are… or to share how strong they’ve had to become.

Before assuming, try asking.

“How are you coping?”